On 447s.

447s & justin schaeffer

A candid look: the day of this is May 10th, the last submission dates May 4th and I feel the weight of those missed deadlines. Confidence lost! Nothing to say! I am not good enough! I woke up this morning at 5:00 and played soldat for over an hour. I’m on my second cup of coffee. I read foxnews. Exclamation points! I do not labor today, so I theoretically have time to catch up. We know 500 words in 8 minutes is possible, & so it’s not really the time constraint as it is the psychological things. The limits! The fear of success! The fear of failure! Fear that I won’t be able to keep it up. Fear that I am not good enough. The fear of time & the fear of being lost in the process. And there is a conflict here with it being okay to stand out & it not being okay, as in if I do stand out or am standing out, it’s because I am being arrogant or pretentious. The fear of being better or more different than everyone else I know! But we are all different! We are all intelligent! We are all important! But are we? I don’t know!! Is it truly okay to stand out? To do one’s thing privately, differently? To actually be different? But we’re all different! We’re all equal! No we’re not! Yes we are! Fuck man. But this is how i feel, feelings aren’t facts! You’re weird! Everyone’s weird! No they are not. Yes they are! No.

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